


One More Reason

by sammiesuxks



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:08:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25183042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammiesuxks/pseuds/sammiesuxks
Summary: Gerard Way hasn't been the same since the dreadful day of 9/11, months have passed but he still has the reoccuring thought that he isn't properly living. If he had been the one to survive from the dozens of accomplished people who passed, it had to be for something, right?Riddled with survivors guilt and a broken heart to accompany it, Gerard doesn't know how to pull himself out of his depression. That is until one sunny afternoon, a moving van pulls up opposite his apartment, and he feels a shimmer of the big city innocence he once lost, radiating off of the short punk who's unloading boxes.
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Gerard Way/Original Female Character(s), Gerard Way/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14





	1. Bright-eyed

**Author's Note:**

> hi this is my first fic, i don't know if anything similar has been done before (probably since it's based on skylines and turnstiles/cubicles, but if there are any similarities its unknown to me so soz no copyright intended? idk how this really works, let me know what you think anyways

Office romances had never really been on Gerard’s agenda. It just kept happening more than once. Most of the time it was one-sided, because hell, he wasn’t the most sociable type, but the last one had been a two way affair, quite literally. He didn’t know that of course, otherwise he wouldn’t have stood for it more than a second. He didn’t want to be someone's secret sloppy seconds, so the fact that he had been had wounded his already fragile ego quite a bit. 

Her name had been Vanessa, she had been the previous receptionist, they had hit it off at the watercooler one time, and she had been forward enough to ask him to coffee that following lunchtime where everyone in the building went daily in some kind of cliche that made Gerard want to vomit. He didn’t expect work life to be like school, but it had been for a while. Vanessa had changed that. She was outgoing, she drew him out of his shell and made him a part of the office for once. He didn’t feel like he blended into the walls of his cubicle anymore. He thought she was the best thing that ever happened to him. She was adventurous and was always making him try new things out of his comfort zone. His brother Mikey had been proud, since it was normally only him who could coax Gerard out when he visited. 

She had slowly started getting more distant though, Gerard immediately thought it was his fault, was he being too clingy? He knew that annoyed her sometimes. She was only coming to his apartment even though she said she hated it, it was too small, too drafty. “This neighbourhood? Really?” Was the first thing uttered when she showed up here after work.Gerard liked his drafty windows though, he was always too warm. He would admit now that she tried to change him alot. He thought it was for the better, but Mikey had seen through it immediately even though he kept his mouth shut. He would make slight remarks, “Why is your hair that short? You hate short hair.”, “You’re almost as thin as me.” It wasn’t that Vanessa was outright mean and demanding him to change, but he felt her slipping away, he saw the men who actually made her laugh now, and he felt like he was having to compete for that spot with her at the watercooler where they had met a few months ago. 

It eventually ended after a fight, he was getting more depressed again even though he supposedly “looked” better in himself, but that was all a ruse. He felt trapped into a shell of a person he knew he wasn’t. But that hadn’t been what set it off. It was Valentine's Day and he had gone to her apartment early with an assortment of pastries from her favourite bakery, and had found her cheating. The guy had apparently moved in, they were engaged, it had happened right behind Gerard’s back and destroyed his trust. 

Aside from Vanessa, Gerard had had a few office flings after her, and once before. The one before had been a mailroom intern, he was sweet, a bit younger than Gerard. But it had been when Gerard was still trying to drink himself to death, and he felt guilty having to put someone new and fresh to the city through his bullshit that he never made it permanent and it eventually fizzled out after he got a new job. Gerard never blamed him. Or the women who flung themselves at him during office parties after Vanessa, because they pitied him and his new “good looks”, and maybe he had slipped off the wagon with his drinking again during the Christmas parties. But now he was trying to be sober (yet again), and therefore didn’t have his confidence that came with a drink or Vanessa. He went back to more casual wear, leaving behind the slim suits Vanessa had forced him to wear, and with those things gone, so was the attention. And he was back to being one of the cubicle walls. 

It wasn’t just the Christmas parties that made Gerard slip. 9/11 had happened on his way to the office one day, he remembered hearing the crash, the screaming, sometimes it still woke him up from nightmares. The faces of the people plummeting to their deaths, the apocalypse feel of it all as he was made to run down the street the bus had just driven, being shoved and dragged by herds of others as his ears rang in shock from the explosions. He thought he would die that day, hell, part of him thinks he should’ve instead of someone important, with families, with lives. He had nothing going for him anymore other than a job that didn’t pay as great as he thought it would. It wasn’t like he was an only child, his parents would’ve been okay after a while, right? But kids with parents lost wouldn’t. This would forever scar them. He knew it was survivors guilt, but it didn’t change the depressive fall he had had from it. It didn’t change him crying over the news broadcasts where they interview the families of the dead, and apologising to the screen as he drowned his sorrows in the bottle yet again. 

It’s the weekend now, it’s been a few months since 9/11, and it’s surprisingly bright outside. He never really sees the sun from his cubicle, it seems whenever he’s at work, it’s as grey as the smoke that chased him down the street that dreadful day, as sterile as the hospital had been when Mikey forced him to go after inhaling enough of that smoke. He hated hospitals. 

He assumed Mikey would be round soon, which is the only reason he’s gotten out of bed and is sitting in front of the open window with a coffee in hand. Waiting to see him walk down the street. He likes this routine though, as much as he prefers his comfy bed. It fuels his imagination to watch the people below him going about their lives. It was a distraction from what he actually felt the need to draw or paint, but he had painted enough of his nightmares that having them around in his apartment was just fuelling more, so Mikey had taken them away for later, when his head was in a better place. Sometimes he’ll draw them the people below, make up stories for their characters, that’s what he had been doing when he saw a moving van pull up opposite his building. 

Now, Gerard had never been one for being awe-struck at first sight by someone, he hadn’t even with Vanessa. He thought she was decent looking, but the only reason he fell for her was because she noticed him. She had been forward, and Gerard rarely got attention. But this was different. This guy was different. Sure, he was good looking. But it was the way he was looking around, like New York City was the best fucking thing he had ever seen. Gerard was only on the second floor, so it wasn’t like he couldn’t appreciate his good looks. He noticed a few dotted tattoos, something Gerard had never found himself interested in on someone else before, he thought he saw a glisten of piercings as he jumped out the truck, his hair bouncing slightly in the slight mohawk he had. Were they dreaded? Gerard couldn’t tell. He looked young, he looked new to the city. Fresh meat for New York to chew up and spit out and make him cry. Gerard hoped that boy had never shed a tear before, he looked too angelic from up here. 

He found himself immediately sketching, even though he knew he was getting details wrong, he wasn’t close enough to capture all the quirks of this boy. He noticed a man get out the truck with him, he assumed his Father, they had similarities from what Gerard could see, and he looked like he was immediately being scolded, or just told the harsh truths of the world he was entering as soon as he stepped out that truck. Gerard guessed he was trying to make it somehow, much like he had thought he would at this boy's age. Bright-eyed and unafraid of his dreams, Gerard could practically smell it from up here. He wanted to tell him to go back home, keep on dreaming, to not let the dreams die like a rat in the sewers underneath them where all dreams go to die in this city. 

He was pulled from his mourning of the others' dreams by his door swinging open, “You didn’t wave at me like you normally do, does this mean you haven’t got an artist block today?” His brother sighed as he kicked the door closed behind him and put some groceries on the counter in the kitchen. Gerard merely scoffed but shrugged his shoulders, because it was true. “Thanks, wallets on the table.” he replied as he stood up, peering out again but seeing the sidewalk empty of the boy and his father, the building door was open though, as was the van, ‘risky move’, he thought to himself as he turned to walk to his brother, pulling him into a hug. He liked their routine. Gerard hated shopping. It just flared his anxiety and he never knew where anything was and hated small talk, luckily he didn’t need much and Mikey always grabbed what he liked on the way over. 

Mikey pulled back to grab the cash as Gerard started unpacking, leaving his sketchbook on the side which Mikey immediately went to glance over, “He looks young, was he robbing someone or something?” he grinned as Gerard frowned, “No, I think he’s moving in across the street, new to the city by the naivety in how he looks at everything i'm guessing.” He mumbled as he heard Mikey go to the window, “Oh yeah, I see it. Definitely gonna get his heart broken.” he sighed before collapsing onto the couch. “You rarely draw people that spot on anymore, normally let your imagination take over and change shit about them, he looks spot on though.” Mikey began as he flicked through the TV, “You should go over, help with boxes or something. Get a name, make a friend.” he shrugged and Gerard scoffed again. “Dude his dad is helping him, they’re probably from the ass end of nowhere and being gay is probably still a crime there. I don’t feel like getting knocked out today by some angry looking italian man. Plus the kid looks fresh out of school, his dad will think I’m praying on him or something.” He mumbled as he finished putting his shopping away and sat down beside Mikey, after slyly glancing out the window again, of course. 

“You’re probably right” Mikey snorted and sipped some of Gerard’s coffee he had long forgotten, to which Gerard made a noise of displeasure and stole it back. “I have friends anyway.” he mumbled around the mug, to which Mikey side-glanced him over his glasses, “Going out like twice a month for a D&D game doesn’t really count if you barely communicate other than that.”

Gerard rolled his eyes to himself since Mikey wasn’t looking at him anymore. He had a few friends, most of them were back in Jersey though, like Ray, they had stuck together like glue until he forced Gerard to actually go for his job now at Cartoon Network. It was a good job, he could actually draw for once and get paid for it, but it was a lot of pushing. Push to this deadline, try and appeal to this audience, add this, change that. That was what he disliked, he hated changing his ideas so much that they were just the same corporate junk as anything else. He wanted to do shit himself, but he needed the money, and at least he was putting his degree to some sort of use. “I have Ray.” He found himself blurting out, to which Mikey shrugged, “But when was the last time you talked to him?” and it was true. Gerard had been too depressed to reach out to anyone he wasn’t forced to see regularly. 

After Mikey had left to do his own errands, Gerard decided to call Ray. He also decided to call Ray whilst looking back out the window again. He didn’t know if it was lucky that he could see the boys apartment from where he was, or unlucky for the boy himself to have someone lurking at him, but Gerard didn’t know him, so he decided he could be a little selfish about that. 

He studied him as he unpacked, drawing in the process of also talking to Ray on the phone, who was beyond happy he called. Saying he thought New York had scooped Gerard up and made him a corporate douchebag. He wasn’t happy to hear Gerard was depressed, but it was clearly better than the douchebag thing. “Do you think it’s weird to watch someone through their window if it’s also from your window? It doesn’t count as Peeping Tom if there’s two windows between you, right?” He found himself asking, he was sometimes more open to Ray than Mikey, mostly because he didn’t want Mikey ratting to their mom.

“Hmm, I don’t know the exact physics, but if you’re like, avoiding the privacy they’re seeking, I guess it’s cool?” Gerard liked Ray, he didn’t judge. “No privacy seems to be being seeked. He just moved in across the street, I mean he has curtains, he can close them.” He heard Ray chuckle, “He probably will once he spots you.”

Gerard eventually ended the call and tidied up his place, meaning he shoved all the laundry actually into a hamper and put coffee mugs in the sink to do later, before eating and watching shitty movies until he decided it was time to go to bed for work, he probably shouldn’t have wasted another weekend staying indoors and drawing freely, but what else was there to do? He thought New York would be inspiring, but it just leaked the same concrete grey as Jersey did. 

He went to sleep that night thinking of what had happened if he had taken Mikey’s advice to go over and help unload the boxes. Maybe his dad would have been fine, maybe he had a bad back and they needed the extra hands, maybe they would have ordered food together and shared life stories and would wave at each other from their windows when he went home. Maybe Gerard would’ve been more inspired from a conversation with the boy than he already was by his presence, how he held himself, his excitement that seemed to seep out to his bouncing heels when he rushed inside the apartment for the first time. Maybe he wouldn’t have gone to bed as depressed as how he woke up.


	2. Vacant and stained

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter took a while, I was uninspired, but im back now, lads.

Gerard would be lying if he said the next time he saw he new punk neighbour was on the bus 2 weeks later. The truth was he had been seeing him everyday. Just from his window. It had become easier to watch him, he noticed the guy pretty much didn't look out the windows at all. He had a short attention span, bouncing from one thing inside his (newly discovered - shared) apartment to the other within an hour. The only time he was still for hours was when he had an acoustic guitar on his lap. He noted he had an electric one too, but that was less sitting still and more bobbing his head. Sometimes he stood up to play, he figured that was more when he was home alone anyway, otherwise he roommate usually came out to complain. 

His roommate. Gerard felt jealousy when he first saw the other man in the apartment, briefly wondering if they were dating. But it definitely seemed more newly aquainted roommates situation as Gerard watched them move around eachother and get used to the others presence. It seemed the tall blonde man was more serious than the shorter punk he let habitat his space. Gerard hadn't seen him even smile until the second week. He could see the way the shorter one slowly broke down the others tough exterior, it was quite amusing to watch, almost like a television show. He realised the larger man was just a giant teddy-bear, and it reminded him of Ray. Even though Ray was more warm the second you even met him, stranger or not. He was entranced with the boys power of worming into someones life like that. And Gerard realised he ached for someone like that.

He had never been that outgoing as a person, and the boy reminded him of his ex in that respect. They wanted to talk to someone? They did it. No second-guessing. No internal struggle. Gerard was attracted to those people, and they normally were attracted to him. Not necessarily seuxally, more like magnets. Ray had been like it in college. Saw Gerard alone, just came over and introduced himself and stuck. It had completely thrown Gerard off at the time, mainly because he thought the time for making friends was over, it had been like the middle of term. It was weird, but he had loved it. He needed people like that to draw him out, make him go places. He didn't like being so reliant and socially inept, but it was how he was and he had tried fixing it. Drinking helped, but he didn't like being that out of control, it was dangerous.

The bus was where he properly saw him though, in all his glory. He was dressed casually smart, clearly for an interview or just going to work, wherever it maybe. Gerard hoped he could see him get off at whatever stop and see what building he entered, he then called himself a creep in his head and to shut the fuck up. He didn't had a tie on, but did have a dress shirt that looked a little big on him, he guessed it was old. He had also trimmed his hair abit. His mohawk not making up an inch of his height anymore, and showing that he was indeed shorter than Gerard originally thought. He kept the colour, it was brown with different merges of slight oranges and variations of other browns, sort of a caramel affect from a clearly gone wrong dye job, but it worked on him. He guessed he had to trim his mohawk for this job, it seemed like it could still be spiked up if he tried, but there was no product in it, Gerard also noticed that he had no peircings in, but if he squinted he could see the open holes in his face. New York was already changing him and Gerard felt like crying over it.

He sat infront of Gerard, smelling of stale smoke and a cologne he had clearly used to try and mask it. It sort of had a pinecone smell, woodsy. Gerard inhaled quietly but deeply, wanting to savour it. There was luckily quite a few people on the bus chatting, playing on their phones, the sound drowning out his inhale, not that this boy could hear anyway, he had headphones in. Gerard leaned abit forward, thinking he could hear The Misfits and smiling to himself slightly, he wasn't completely changed then. He glanced to his neck and saw a scorpion tattoo curling under his ear, he wondered what job was even allowing that, it seemed obnoxiously high up. He found himself tilting his head as he counted the legs, letting out an amused exhale at the odd number of legs, wondering if it was on purpose. 

He knew now was a good time, perfect time, to interact. Maybe stand up, motion if he could sit. The boy would take out his earbuds and say yeah, then Gerard could say he loved the Misfits, he saw them in town here once, say is name, get the boys name (at last!), tell him how the gig had been, say he thinks he looks familar, does he live around here? It could be so easy. But Gerard's mind wasn't easy. It wasn't letting words come out, it wasn't letting a connection happen from his brain to his legs, to make him stand, to ask to sit. He had gone cold from the social fear. What if he glanced up, but looked away? Didn't allow him to sit? Told him to fuck off? He didn't know him. Anything could go wrong. But he didn't know how to make sure it went perfectly right. 

Each time the boy shifted, looked up at the stops, he worried he was going to get off, that he missed his chance. But he didn't. Not until Gerard's stop came up, and they both pressed the button on their seats at the same time. Gerard widened his eyes to himself. Knowing he would have to stand, walk infront of him, or motion that the other could walk ahead of him. He decided to move first. He feared they were going in a similar direction, and the other would turn around, ask why he was following him, when that wasn't his plan at all. There were alot of office buildings in this area, but he didn't know if this punk had a short temper, if he was wary of New York and perverts yet. So he stood up abruptly as he watched the other pack his things into his bag, and immediately walked to the front of the bus, feeling the heat of the other behind him as he joined him behind the queue off. 

Gerard didn't want to seem paranoid by looking over his shoulder every second to get a glimpse of him. He tried it slyly on the bus, stretching, glancing down to the boy, he was looking out the window infront of Gerard, so when he looked down in a glance, he caught the boys eyes. Those eyes. The bright eyes he saw the first day across the street hadn't dissolved. They were still hopeful, a golden youth radiating out of them like a laser, ready to take on New York. He smiled with his mouth, but also his eyes, the kindness shining out as he looked up to the other, his punctured lip spreading over his crooked teeth that instantly made Gerard grin back shyly. 

He knew he was behind him, he could near the scuff of his sneakers seeming like they were trying to keep up with Gerard's longer strides. He wondered if he would have to be the one to turn around and ask if he needed help, if he was following him. Of course he wasn't though, why would he? He was clearly dressed for something. So Gerard said nothing, and just pushed into the revolving doors of his building, flashed his card to the guard and bundled into the lift with a few other people.

He hadn't really been paying attention after entering the building, assuming the boy was long gone to his own, or still struggling outside, but when he glanced around to smile politely at his co-workers, he spotted him beside him still, and felt his eyebrows raise. That had to mean he worked here, or he was interviewing. He had to get passed the guard, did he have a employee card to scan? Yes. Gerard could see him shoving it back into his pocket at that second. That meant he passed the interview, he had a job. Why hadn't Gerard seen him in for an interview? He let out a shakey breath when the other smiled at him again with recognition, and he offered one back, before they were being bundled off by the impatient co-workers, pushing them out onto their floor and rushing to their respected desks.

Gerard didn't rush around work, he didn't really care. He went to smile at the other again but he was gone. Gerard assumed he didn't want to be late during his first(?) day. He sighed and went to his desk, dropping his bag down and going to the coffee station to get a perk up and cure his hangover from his drinking the previous night. "Can you grab a mug for me too?" He heard being said behind him, making him jump slightly. He immediately pulled out a second mug and glanced around, "Yea-oh, hey.. you're new, right?" he found himself stumbling out. Because there he was, sat down at the table and chair provided in the break room, playing with a bag of sugar. He looked up at Gerard's shaky words and smiled with half his mouth, Gerard felt his knees weaken. 

"Yeah I'm new.. you live on my block, you got on the bus there. I think you live across from me actually, you look familiar." The boy spoke, Jersey. He had a Jersey accent. Gerard smiled at the familiarity and sat down opposite him as the coffee pot grinded and huffed behind him. "You're from Jersey.. but er, yeah. Yeah I think I do live opposite, you look familar too." He internally cursed himself for not sticking with the others subject matter. But he just beamed over to him, "Oh man, you too? That's great. I live with someone from Chicago and he's shit on Jersey ever since I showed up! I almost moved back out to home, it was totally offensive." He grinned to show he wasn't actually offended, just home-proud. And Gerard understood that. "Yeah people here, have mixed opinions on Jersey, I just try to ignore them though, keep to myself." He shrugged. He didn't know if it was from how tired and hungover he was, but he was feeling that familar feeling he got when speaking to outgoing people. The shock they weren't mocking him. The freeing feeling of being listened too for once. 

"I can see that, it's not my first day here, you barely look up from your cubicle, not that I'm staring, but I tend to check out peoples desks when they're away from them, and you by far have the most interesting style of work in this place. I thought it would be fun here, that's why I applied. I mean, it's Cartoon Network. I thought you would have a Google vibe going on, you know? Slides, ballpits." He rambled and Gerard felt himself chuckle at that as he glanced around at the grey walls whilst shaking his head. "Well I mean, this is just the designing team, it's not Headquarters, that might be cooler, but I can understand your disappointment." He said before getting up and pouring two coffees, the other saying how he liked it and Gerard making it accordingly. "My names Frank.. I thought I would offer it since I already know yours from snooping." He grinned again. Frank. Frank grinned again. It suited him, it was simple, it was Jersey. Gerard guessed probable Italian heritage like himself for a name like that. Even though his name was more Scottish? He was unsure. "Frank.. I like Frank." He concluded and Frank giggled softly with a one sided shrug. "I like Gerard, I don't know any Gerard's, it's interesting, smooth, it's different." He eventually rounded up and stood up to claim his coffee from the other. "Break together?" Frank offered as he stepped back to the hallway, which just made Gerard nod frantically, "Yes.. Yeah. Break sounds great." He smiled awkwardly as the other waved. Gerard stepped out the breakroom and spotted the other sitting behind the reception desk by the elevator they came out of together, and he smiled before returning to his cubicle. A cubicle which had perfect view of Frank without seeming like a creep. That was dumb luck if he ever had it. 

\-------------

Gerard had been staring at the clock for most of his time stuffed in the cubicle, of course he was doing work at the same time, he was doing his Breakfast Monkey storyboard, hoping it would get picked up at the next meeting, but he had always been good at multi-tasking. Or getting distracted. He had unknowingly drawn Frank's scorpion tattoo in the corner of his colour-testing sheet, glancing over to the other. He caught his eye a few times, rolling them, dropping his tongue out his mouth to mock the bordom, tiredness, Gerard didn't exactly know, but he felt the same. Most of the time though, Frank did work. He typed on the computer, answered the phone, did some filing, and played solitaire until people got up for their break. He seemed to not do stuff until other people did. Gerard didn't think he was exactly a sheep like the rest of them, he was just new and didn't know the exact schedules yet. Gerard was the same. Not a sheep, he knew the schedule. His was more anxiety ridden, hating being the first to stand. To lead. So he got up after Frank did, watching him as he walked over. Frank held up a packet of smokes with a questioning glance and Gerard nodded immediately, practically falling into the lift and hitting the down arrow. Frank chuckled as he stood beside him. "A fellow addict then. I wish I were around for smoking in office-buildings. But I guess after recent events that stuff he pretty much frowned upon." Gerard of course, knew what Frank was referring too, and he gulped awkwardly with a nod, "err yeah. Not that I did it before anyways.. I was always worried people would get annoyed at me for it, plus I like being outside of this place." He sighed as he walked out the main entrance with Frank following swiftly behind, seeming to struggle to keep up again. 

Gerard sat on the steps outside the building and watched Frank plant himself next to him, gratefully taking the cigarette offered to him. "So Frank, why New York?" He questioned after sucking in a drag, hoping he wasn't imposing. Frank just chuckled though, shrugged and took in a drag himself. "Why does anyone come here? Hoping for bigger things. Wanting to start something. Passion. Desire for change, a better change." He shrugged as he looked down at an orange leaf as it hit his sneaker covered foot. Gerard thought he would step on it, but Frank just picked it up, admired it, Gerard realised it matched a few streaks in the boys controlled hair. "So what.. is yours art too? Do you want me to look over your portfolio?" Gerard offered happily, "Oh no! No no, I suck at art, man. I just need some money, thought this job would be cool given the company. Thought wrong though." He smirked and shrugged, "I play guitar, I wanna be in bands. I was in a few in the Jersey scene, but a few friends said I should try up here, find more people.. I've been to shows up here, it seems like abit of the Jersey scene is up here and I wanted to check it out, get out my parents place." He shrugged and smiled over to Gerard, "my roommate does sound for a few big bands, I almost shit my pants when I saw his ad online, I couldn't call fast enough. It seems like dumb fucking luck, and I'm rarely ever lucky, being born on Halloween and all." He chuckled and Gerard rose his eyebrows. "Dude, that's badass." 

Gerard was happy to listen to Frank, he was a talkative person and Gerard liked that. He said more about his catholic family, joking he was shocked they didn't give up a baby born on Halloween. He mentioned he was on Eyeball Records down in Jersey, which made Gerard raise his eyebrows, he was clearly younger than Gerard, and already ahead of him career wise. He had an album out with his old band, but they split up to do different things. Gerard wasn't jealous of the career Frank had built for himself, he was impressed. He asked his age, 20. 20 years old. He couldn't even legally drink yet, Gerard was 24, stuck in his job, drinking himself to death. Frank was like a younger him, but actually better, and totally cooler.

He was smart too. Sure, Gerard went to SVA, he got a good job out of it. Frank had been vice-president of the Amnesty International at his school, he founded the music club, he then got a scholarship to Rutgers University. He took English, Algebra, Psychology and Art History. Then he dropped out and started a band. It was blowing Gerard's mind. He had so many ideas of Frank, and he was hitting them out the park, making them into something better. He wasn't just an angry punk who left home for New York. He wasn't even that angry. He was intelligent, not that Gerard thought he would be dumb from his dreams and his entry-level job, but he was passionate. He cared about anything he did. He could've shot through Rutgers, came out with flying colours, gotten an important job somewhere. But he just wanted to play music. He told Gerard that was his calling, and no matter what qualifications he had to fall back on, that's all he wanted to try and do, even if he had to try and try again. Gerard admired this younger boy. Gerard had made himself stuck in this job, he didn't have the fire Frank had. The desire. He loved art, he loved creating stories, but it wasn't meaningful anymore. His comics in school had been, he had had one published under a fake name. Gary Way. People liked it, and then he got into Art school and was focused on his studies, different mediums, and then landed here. He didn't even really watch cartoons. He made things in a comic layout, and the Network always scolded him for it. He insisted it was to show the frames of the show he was creating. But it wasn't really. He was stuck in old ways, old passionate ways. He preferred comics. But what did comics do for the world? What did cartoons do? They didn't do what music did. Frank was going to go places, change things, and Gerard needed to see that happen. 

To say the boy had lit a fire under his ass was an understatement. It was a weird wakeup call just from such a basic conversation. But it had Gerard stewing until Lunch when he saw Frank again. "How do you do it?" He asked him as he sat down with him in the park, under a tree. Frank had decided to come here, he said he liked it. Frank had a veggie burrito from a truck nearby, Gerard didn't trust it though. "Do what?" He asked around the burrito. Gerard just nursed a cigarette and another coffee. "Have so much... passion left? Believe you can make a difference?" Gerard sighed and ashed off his cigarette on the grass, Frank scolded him slightly, "you know grass screams when you hurt it right? We just can't hear." Gerard rolled his eyes, Franks brains about alot of different things wasn't exactly annoying, it was just continuing to expand his own brain and it made his head ache. He pinched the bridge of his nose as Frank sighed, Gerard could see him shrug out the corner of his eye. "Because if you constantly have a nihilistic view, then nothings changing. You're just at a stand-still and I hate being still. I just get depressed and go into a void and it's kind of scary? I don't know man. I just can't function like that. I've been in pits like it, believe me. And it's hard not to be when the world is this devestating sometimes, but it needs to be shitty to be able to get better, you know? Change that's good or bad is still change, and it still evolves and grows, it won't stay bad or good forever, it adapts, that's what's so.. exciting?" He shrugged.

\-----

If there's one thing Gerard didn't expect, it was to go home and have an existential crisis that had been teetering on the edge of his brain all day. He grabbed a beer, glanced out the window, smiled softly as Frank waved across at him, knowing where he lived now, he couldn't exactly spy anymore. Not that he had the brain capacity to do so. He was in overdrive. He tried to pick up an old comic of his, tried to work on it, finish it, anything. But it wasn't right. He ended up throwing it across the room. It wasn't enough. He fell asleep that night reluctantly. He found himself stuck in a nightmare, maybe sleep paralysis? He didn't know.   
They were back in Jersey, him and Frank. Monroeville to be exact. Gerard wasn't sure why, he didn't live there ever, Frank never mentioned it. But he neede to go to the mall to get things for his apartment. Gerard wasn't scared to death of being out in public in his dream. What he was scared of though, was something he never had been before. They were on the top floor of the mall, and this alarm went off, there was screaming and loud banging and it reminded Gerard of that dreadful day in New York. He didn't want to be there, not with Frank, Frank didn't deserve to go through something like this, like he had. He didn't need this burden.

He was pulled away from his thoughts in the dream by Frank, who was tugging him into a storage closet, he could feel Franks clammy hand pressed against his mouth to keep his quiet, and he struggled slightly in the dark, until it wasn't dark. It was blindingly bright, and Frank was screaming for him, being dragged away. Gerard's eyes struggled to adjust and then he understood the sounds, the banging, the screaming. It seemed stupid for his brain to conjour up zombies, but there they were. They were all suddenly back in the office, the zombies were their co-workers, his boss taking a chunk out of Frank's neck. Gerard had never been brave, but that didn't mean he couldn't be now. Something had to change. He punched the glass cabinet with an axe in, starting to cut off parts of the zombies, more easily than he would've ever thought possible actually. It took a while, he stood infront of Frank to protect him for what felt like hours, holding the zombies off from him, they couldn't touch Frank, he was too important. 

Frank eventually told him to stop, they were gone. He tugged at Gerard's leg in desperation, he glanced down to the boy, his sun-kissed skin abandoned for a grey colour, similar to the office walls. He felt himself drop to his knees, cradling the boy below him, he was probably crying, but he couldn't see the tears filling his eyes, he knew it was a dream, but it was heartbreaking when Frank suddenly had a gun, and was putting it in Gerard's hand, it felt heavy and cold, and it made his stomach twist, "you gotta do it. I can't be like them, Gerard, don't let me end up like them, if you love me as much as I love you, you have to do it.." Frank pleaded quietly, he sounded so young like this, so scared. It was all happening faster than he could processing, Frank admitting that, he seemed in pain, and then the pain in his eyes washed away into something more vacant, and then he just looked annoyed when Gerard didn't move, "Gerard, do it. You have to do it! Do it now! GERARD!"   
That was what woke him up. He was a sweaty mess, and his ears were ringing, finally acknowledging the pounding on his door. Frank. Frank still shouting for him. It made Gerard stumble out bed frantically and pull the door open, ready to fight again. But Frank was just there, ready for work, his eyebrow raised at the others appearance, his eyes glowing with amusement, "You look like shit."


End file.
